when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
