I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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