She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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