Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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