Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize