that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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