i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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