just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Still dying that you shit outside
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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