never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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