Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
