you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
