Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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