do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
