YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
