I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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