You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
