saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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