I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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