The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize