wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
