i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
