I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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