Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
