about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize