didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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