I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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