So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
