No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
