Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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