I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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