I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
