was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
