Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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