You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
