dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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