I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
