Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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