i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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