The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
