420 ftw
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
