Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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