I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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