the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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