My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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