Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
