I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Terrible idea I love it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
