um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
