She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
