I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
