OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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