Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
