Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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