I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
