Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
