Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
