One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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