Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
