I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
