I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
