she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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