So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
