Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
