things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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