I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
