girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
