I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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