I could make wine with my vomit
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize