When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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